My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
