Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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