um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
