It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
