you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
