When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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