I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
