you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The power of my boobs compel you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
