I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
