You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
