I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
