Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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