they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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