just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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