it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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