They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
