Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
