just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
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eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in