Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?