Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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