Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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