you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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