I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
