U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
