"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
