They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
