My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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