I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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