So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
