three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
