good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
