your parents love me but you hate me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
