So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
