ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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