In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
