she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
