she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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