This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
