I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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