dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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