Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
