i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
