dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
