I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Quick, to the slutcave!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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