I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
