Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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