24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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