i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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