the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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