Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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