what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
