I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
