I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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