The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
