I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
