I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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