I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
