I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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