if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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