she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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