Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
