it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
