We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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