Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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