why didn't you poke me back
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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