Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
