8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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