Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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