Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
