Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
