If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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