I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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