Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
