I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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