Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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