I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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