hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
