I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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