He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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