we made out on top of his cat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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