what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
