Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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