and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
